How Could Love Hurt So Much?
by Yunalesca Strife
Summary: A fic about Aeris's feelings when she comes back to see Cloud and Tifa together. Kinda depressing.


This is just a short story I wrote in Aeris's POV when I was bored.  It's not as good as I thought it would be but, oh well.  And Final Fantasy VII belongs to Squaresoft and unfortunately not me.

~*~

I came back for him.  I don't know how I did but I came back.  And it was all for him.  I would give my life a million more times just to see him happy.  He meant so much more to me than I had ever imagined.  And he still does.

            I only remember waking up on the beach with a horrible headache, and Cloud's surprised cry coming from beside me.  I stood up to face him and he hugged me.  Something I thought would never happen.  Everything I ever sacrificed was suddenly worth it.  We talked so much on the way back to the Highwind and I've never seen him so happy.  He told me how much he missed me and how he would almost cry with the very thought of me.  I told him it was okay and he would never have to feel that way again.  He just smiled and it made my feelings for him surface once again.  Everyone was waiting for us when we got back to the airship.  They each took their turns hugging me and saying something sweet to me while not truly believing what was happening.  Even Vincent, who was just a little more talkative than what I remember from him.  Well, to me anyway.  Reeve replaced Cait Sith's position in our small group but I could still see that everyone still didn't trust him completely.  Tifa was just as happy as Cloud to see me.  But it was my turn to be surprised when she and Cloud suddenly kissed each other.  I turned to Nanaki who was sitting beside me and he said they were together now.  I looked back at them and it was like I felt Sephiroth's sword go through me again, but this time the pain was ten times worse.  I felt Nanaki's gaze on me and I quickly smiled and said what took them so long?  I did feel a little hurt but I told myself that I was just being selfish.  After all, they're happy and that's all that matters, right?

            There were still some things for me to do though.  I wanted to go back home and see my mom again.  But I quickly learned that she had passed away soon after finding out about my death.  It was yet another reason for me to be depressed.  Cloud tried to cheer me up by teaching me how to snowboard in the mountains near Icicle.  It was fun but my optimism was running out.  But I still smiled and said everything was okay.  Even when Cloud told me he knew something was wrong.  How could I tell him?  How could I ruin our friendship with my selfish feelings?  I said back to him that if he was happy, so was I.  It was almost true.  It should be but it just wasn't.  I was happy for him but being happy myself wasn't that easy.  I stayed in the church for a while looking after my flowers, wishing that I didn't feel this way.  Tifa talked to me often there and she always made hints about how Vincent and I are alike.  She told me that I didn't talk as much as before and I seemed to stare out in space, lost in thought.  She then offered me to stay with her and Cloud in Costa Del Sol.  Although I refused at first, she insisted and I hesitantly agreed.  It hurt me a little more each day living in the house I once shared with my mom.

            And that brings me to where I am now.  Sitting on the beach near Cloud and Tifa's villa in Costa Del Sol, talking to no one at two o'clock in the morning.  Maybe I am going a little crazy, even though I have no real reason to be.  Cloud says I'll get over what's bugging me and whatever happens, he'll be there if I need someone to talk to.  He has no idea how much I appreciate it but I can't talk to him about it.  Everyone who understands what I feel keeps saying I should just tell him how much I love him.  But I can't do it because I know that no matter what, our friendship will not be the same.  And yet I am thankful right now to have him as my best friend.  Even when he has the occasional argument with Tifa and he gets worried that they'll break up, I'm the one telling him to go back to her and to solve their problems together.  And when she goes to visit Barret in the now rebuilt town of Correl, he tells me how much he misses her.  And I tell him that I understand.  This time it is me that says I'll always be there for him.  But this time I wasn't lying.  All I'm trying to do is be a good friend.  That's all I can do.

            It still does hurt though.  More than ever.  Everyone has their own lives now and I'm just here feeling sorry for myself.  I never would have guessed that I would be like this.  It's like a nightmare and I'm just waiting to finally wake up.  And yet I'm beginning to get used to Cloud mentioning Tifa in our every conversation.  Now I know he truly does love her and it's obvious that she loves him just as much.  Maybe I'm getting over the fact that they won't be breaking up anytime soon.  But this pain just won't go away.  She doesn't realize that she's the luckiest girl in the world.  I would be crying right now but I simply can't anymore.  It's almost as if I cried out all my tears long ago.  But after thinking about it for a while, now I do know what I'm getting used to.  The pain and how alone I feel.  And instead of hating and fearing it, I welcome it.  At least I can feel.  At least I'm alive again.  And at least Cloud is happy.  That's all that matters to me.

            Listening to the waves of the ocean and watching the stars far above relaxes me a little.  I'm just surprised to hear that advice come from Vincent.  He is one of a few people who know what I'm feeling, but he understands the most.  Talking to him lately has made me feel a little better and I have already thanked him more than enough.  Another thing he suggested was to get some rest, which I haven't been doing much.  But that's my own fault because I shouldn't be feeling like this anymore.  I have to try to stay optimistic because people have worse problems than me.  My one wish is for Cloud to be happy, and I know that wish has been granted.  Even though my feelings for him will never change, I'll get over this pain someday.  I just know I will.


End file.
